In 2022, The Virtue Center client Anthony knew he’d hit rock bottom…
In 2022, The Virtue Center client Anthony knew he’d hit rock bottom with his excessive drinking when he stepped outside his wife’s hospital room to take a few shots.
“My wife is possibly dying in the hospital, and here I am doing shots,” he said.
His wife was in the hospital suffering from an alcohol brain injury called wet brain syndrome, also known as Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS).
According to Google, “WKS is a potentially life-threatening condition that results from a thiamine (vitamin B1) deficiency and damages the brain’s memory center. WKS is often associated with chronic alcoholism, which can impair thiamine absorption and use.” WKS comes with mental confusion, loss of coordination, auditory hallucinations, apathy and visual disturbances. To recover from WKS, doctors said she needed to abstain from alcohol for the rest of her life.
“I needed to support her,” Anthony said. “She’s my wife, my best friend. We’ve been married since age 30, together since 20. We’ve known each other since we were 13.”
“I knew I needed to change,” he said. “I tried doing it. If I was not at rock bottom, I was two or three steps away from rock bottom.”
Anthony’s journey with alcohol and substance abuse started while he was growing up in Tecumseh, Oklahoma. Now 37 and living in Norman, Oklahoma, Anthony started drinking alcohol at 13. A few years later he stumbled down the road of cocaine, meth and pills. A friend’s parents gave him access to everything. His mom worked two jobs and was going to college. His dad was in and out of rehab for alcohol use.
Anthony’s mindset from his teens to his 20s… “I’m here for a good time, not a long time.”
As a couple, Anthony and his wife spent their money and their nights at bars, drinking three to four rounds before heading home. A typical night for him involved 12 – 18 beers and multiple shots of Jagermeister. Their biggest monthly expense was the $150 – $200/night they spent on alcohol. They both worked demanding jobs and made good money.
The only time Anthony’s drinking interfered with his job was being late to work one Monday morning due to being in jail over the weekend for a DUI.
“I didn’t think I’d make it to 35,” Anthony said. “My motto was ‘live hard, party hard.’ A lot of my friends used, and a lot of them passed away after I got clean.”
Anthony dealt with a health scare of his own around 2018 due to his excessive drinking – arterial fibrillation. He found himself in the emergency room with a blood pressure of 220/180 (normal blood pressure is 120/80), with his heart “beating out of my chest.” He almost suffered a stroke. The medical team learned of Anthony’s alcohol use and told him he needed to quit. In his mind, he thought “harm reduction,” cutting down on the amount of alcohol he drank but not going cold turkey.
“I went from 18 beers and ½ Jagermeister to four beers and a ½ shot a night,” he said.
Fast forward a few years to when Anthony’s wife was lying in that hospital bed, and he knew he had to make a change and eliminate all alcohol from his life. But how did he start his road to sobriety and recovery?
“I reached out to a friend who had been sober about 180 days and asked him, ‘How do I start?’”
His friend Josh replied, “You just did.”
Josh gave Anthony “The Book of Dharma,” a book based on Buddhist teachings and ancient principles about making the best choices in life.
“I read the book in a day and also watched podcasts,” Anthony said. He added that he didn’t want to do Alcoholics Anonymous because he didn’t think it would work. He also spent time with life coaches, studied recovery, talked with people going through the process, and learned about alcohol’s impact on the brain.
“I went cold turkey after reading ‘The Book of Dharma,’” Anthony said. “I asked myself, ‘What’s the worst that could happen? I get sober.’”
Anthony’s sobriety anniversary is July 4, 2022, a date he couldn’t quickly recall.
“I stopped counting my anniversary date,” he said. ”I’m still doing the work. I know what I’m doing. Who am I trying to impress? Why am I counting my sober days? Just do it.”
How did Anthony find The Virtue Center during his recovery? His wife’s medical providers recommended the agency, suggesting couple’s counseling and individual therapy for each of them.
In the beginning, Anthony was reluctant. “I didn’t want to do this at all,” he said.
During recovery, he dove into his Native American heritage. He’s a member of the Absentee Shawnee and Seminole tribes.
“I didn’t know who I was when I first started,” he said. “I think I’ve always had a problem with using – I just never dealt with it. ‘Drinking Anthony’ was depressed, angry at the world, not happy. As a husband now, I’m more present and a better communicator.”
He used “chaos” to describe his life while drinking. He was a hard-working man with no self esteem. Being sober, he’s still hard-working but now goal-oriented and very driven.
“I stopped counting my anniversary date” he said. ”I’m still doing the work. I know what I’m doing. Who am I trying to impress? Why am I counting my sober days? Just do it.”
“I have a second chance to do all this stuff now, and I’m having fun with it,” he said. “My relationships are better, my communication is better, and my emotional intelligence is amazing.”
“My biggest goal – to be an agent to help people at risk, especially kids. Maybe become a therapist, start a podcast. Everyone who was sober didn’t look or act like me. I want to show people that they’re not alone.”
Anthony works at an Oklahoma City entertainment venue as a sober bartender. Does he ever get tempted to drink?
“I’m not really tempted,” he said. “There’s no more urge to drink. I don’t see a point in it right now. I have goals I want to achieve. I don’t want that stuff to get in the way.”
When he sees a Miller Light, his thoughts are “I don’t even want you anymore.”
“I am very appreciative of everything The Virtue Center has offered me,” Anthony said. “I learned more about me and how to work on myself. I want to help people. I want to let people know there is always someone there to help you. You just have to ask for it.”
“That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done…to ask for help,” he added. “Just ask for the help. Life can get so much easier.”
Anthony’s wife has made a full recovery from Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS). When they’re not busy working, they enjoy art shows and concerts.
At this time in his life, Anthony doesn’t have a relationship with his dad. He and his mom remain close. She quit drinking when Anthony was a toddler. What would she be most proud about her son’s new life in sobriety and recovery? He became a bit emotional and took a moment to find his voice before answering.
“Me being happy.”
Happiness. What a great place to live in life. In sobriety. In recovery.
Happiness looks great on you, Anthony.
Note: While Anthony was able to safely stop alcohol use immediately, please note that high volume, daily alcohol use can create a physical dependency and dangerous or life-threatening withdrawal symptoms if use is stopped abruptly. Please always consult a physician about how to safely reduce or stop alcohol use. You don’t have to do it alone, give us a call at The Virtue Center.
Jan S. Astani
“That’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done...to ask for help,” he added. “Just ask for the help. Life can get so much easier.”
